You're a beautiful disaster;

Monday, September 7, 2009

2:47 PM

Hello guys, Shir here and yes I am going to post my thoughts and feelings about being in CF and of course, some personal opinions as well.

First Year Orientation :
We started off as individuals, not adapted to the environment yet...New people, new school, new food new everything. It's hard to adapt to the change suddenly.

I still remember the very first person and friend that I made on that day. That person is none other than Buva.

Hmm. We sat just beside each other and sometimes we would just look at each other and smile awkwardly. Strange as it may be, something in her tells me that she's an outgoing and fun person to be with.

And true enough, I realized that her rate of befriending people is much faster than mine.
Before I know it, I found myself being in a group of mixed-raced girls. Of course this reminded me that I had to be more sensitive and tactful about the rest of the girls, be it food restrictions, religious beliefs and so on.

TBH I felt out-of-place because Buva was like the "Link" between me and them.

However I told myself not to think about the incident on my 15th.

I was quite reluctant to talk much at first, because I don't know what to talk about...

Then I began to talk a little bit more when Mardiana (Dee) opened up and participated in the class cheers. There was this beautiful girl whom I thought was eurasian, but turned out to be an Arab. (Fit). Another sporty girl (Khaizurah) somewhat inspired me to believe in running and sports; to believe in the once-loved-and-lost hobby, my motivation. A seemingly studious, smart and classy girl (Chloe) also caught my attention, her outgoing personality and laugh seems to ligthen my troubled soul a little.
The end of the day...I managed to get one of the girl's number from this quiet and tall girl (Fatin), she seemed rather friendly and approachable too.

Adventure training :

We bonded so much and from that day onwards...we hung out and eat together...laugh and shared jokes...

But all of these were not for long ... everyone began to have their own closer partners within the clique and...somehow I can't help but think whether my existence was valid.

Maybe I was sensitive, which probably cost me a hell lot of trouble later...

If you guys still remember that I used to walk away without a word/ keep quiet most of the time/ emoing and all that crap...it was because I felt there was no one that I can talk to at that point of time. And it was then I knew Siew Hoon.

I felt that we both share a similar connection or experience that is. She seemed rather reserved and quiet and doesn't interact much with the classmates. I wanted her to know that she can make more friends and she's never alone.

Because of our personal problems, be it friends, too committed in something like CCAs/Jobs/Dates and stuff, academic competitions from the peers...we began to drift apart.

Guys, I really hope that CF doesn't end up like my secondary school clique. I don't wish for that to happen because if that happened...it's like losing my only hope and faith in friendship...

You guys made me believe in friendship again. It was painful and hard to forget the past but what Buva said had a point; everyone has some bad experiences, it's up to us to walk out of it and not concede defeat to it.

To Buva :

I know I hardly speak and stuff, you may not understand why I acted this way. Perhaps our personalities were of two different poles. But I believe that if we try this clique will not disband and will be stronger than ever. I am not saying that we can't have a partner in cliques, it is a natural thing that we tend to feel a deeper connection in a person or two than the rest due to similar experiences and etc., but I don't wish that the clique become too close to their own partners and we ought to try to interact with the rest.
I admit, I don't interact much with Khaizurah, Chloe and maybe Kak than let's say Dee, You and Fatin. I realized my mistakes, my sensitive self, too quiet and not sharing my problems with the rest, only to let them accumulate at the end of the day.

But nevertheless, I want you to know that I really treasure you as a friend, no, beyond that, like as if you're my elder sister, a funny, outgoing and thoughful sister.

To Fit (Kak):

Kak, thanks for telling me to open up myself, I felt so much better doing so and I am trying my very best to do so, even though my jokes were lame and I laughed at them, it taught me how to be more open and friendlier... You're like the advisor in the clique and you are a sweet girl too, giving hugs and sweet treatments and maybe sometimes you tend to be a little...hmm...busy and stuff and that's why you tend to fluster and get frantic...
But no one is perfect isn't that so?

I treasure you as a great sister kak. A sweet and caring sister.

To Khaizurah :

Besides our common love for sports, I can't seem to find other means or ways to come up with a topic to talk about... You're awesome khai...your heck-care and take everything with a pinch of salt way taught me to not take some things directly to heart. I know we hardly talk and I can see that you're trying your best to interact with us...I am happy too that you are doing so, because I never knew that you are such a great fun and strong person.

I treasure you as a sister that understands the love for sports, and the principles behind sports...be in teamwork, motivation and perserverance...you're just great as you are.

To Fatin:

Fatin...you're nice, the only problem is, you're TOO nice...like what everyone else says. We don't wish that anyone else exploits your virtues and take you for granted too. We understand that you need a listening ear too and not only be Aunt Agony to us. Whenever you need someone to talk to, we are here for you so don't worry. Even if some of us can't listen and comfort you, we have some other reasons that is stopping us.. like say we have our own problems to worry about too/being sad over sth/stressed...

I admire your love for badminton too and perhaps your unwavering fondness of a certain someone. You had the courage to wait till the very end, unlike me.

I treasure you as a great, kind, helpful and sensitive sister.

To Chloe:

Chloe...you know something...I don't wish that what happened recently to cause the clique to drift away. Since the matter was over, we should not talk about it and take that as a reminder...if you have any thoughts as well you can tell us too. I am sorry about the birthday party invitation as well; I said "See first". without knowing that it hurt your feelings. I am sorry for that too...but I hope you had a great 18th birthday.

Yes, there may be different groups of friends for each of us and that perhaps family is the closest no matter what, but when we are in the outside world, the next closest group of people would probably be our close friends, people who will stick with you through thick or thin no matter what.

I treasure you as a sister who motivates others to participate in something, to try something new and nice person.

To Dee:

Dee...you were one of those friends who made me believe in myself and in friends again too. Your jokes, your crazy self encourages me to be more outgoing too...
Your frequent "Shir are you okay?" ...I won't forget it...It was so heart-warming to know that your friends care about you...
Thank you for cheering us up whenever we are down, sad or disheartened....with your jokes and all...

I treasure you as a sister who is not afraid to be a little wild and funny and be comfortable with it...and caring of course...like the rest of you guys.

To liyun:

I am sorry for not putting your picture in the collage on my facebook because I was wondering whether your clique will mind or not....After all they were your first few friends that you made...but CF will always welcome you py and jh ...
Even though you tend to make me go huh with your frequent questioning like shir how to do this and what is that (lol) you are a thoughful person and someone who won't forget friends...and that's what we love abt you...

I treasure you as a sister that won't forget your friends and be there for them...

To all of you ...

Please forgive me for my mistakes, my selfishness and I hope that this clique will stay stronger day by day, sec by sec.

My dad said that good friends are hard to come by.

Yup, you guys are hard to come by...

I miss you guys, so much.

Shirlene.

&the beauty.

9:22 AM

friends forever Pictures, Images and Photos

hello girls.

firstly exams are over.

so yay!

lets make full use of our holidays aites.

and lets go out soon (:

actually the purpose of me blogging is to clear things up.

as you all know, our clique hadnt been in good terms.

and i would like to apologise to everybody, on everybody else's behalf.

i remember the days where we saw other cliques breaking up and we said that our clique should always remain close.

however now things dont seem so right.

i know everyone in their clique have their flaws.

everyone includes me.

as for me, i know i am very bitchy, i show fucked up attitude, i pms at the wrong time, i shout, use vulgarities, hurt people and all.

i would seriously, sincerely like to apologise.

i know i am in the wrong, and i would try to change as much as i can.

once again i am sorry to those i have hurt, esp fatin(:

and like i was saying, everyone have their flaws.

so instead of thinking of leavin the clique, or thinking that we ditch you or whatsoever, try to clear things out.

life would be so much easier.

another thing is that, i also know we all have our own BFFs within the clique, like me and fatin, dee and khaizurah and stuff like that.

some might feel left out.

oncce again, i am also sorry for that.

i hope EVERYONE can mingle with everyone else and not stick to one person just cause you cant clique with the others (and again, this everyone includes me! so sorry)

dont come up with excuses like you cant clique with them cos they are malay-speaking, that they have different interests or whatsoever.

try to break the ice.

i means its been one year or so.

i also hope this clique is not like a orphanage or something.

what i mean by this is ; when you like it you stick with us and when you dont, you go to other cliques.

i mean i am not saying you cant hang out with them, but its not right if you tend to hang out with us only if your other clique ditch you and all. so please try to avoid it.

i mean i want all 8 of us in the clique and not always 5, or 6 sticking together, and the rest go missing whenever there is a meetup or any birthday parties.

another issue i wanna bring up is, i know when we have misunderstanding with someone, we tend to talk about them to someone else.

it happens.

what i am want is that, if wanna talk abt them, talk within the clique, dont go around telling other people our clique problems.

i know i also have done it, and again i would like to apologise.

i hope our clique can go back to where it was last time.

all those laughter.

all those camwhoring moments.

and i am pretty sure we all can do it.

so lets prove to people that we are united!

thats about it girls.

if you all have any issues to bring up, just sms or email.

or even msn convo aites.

take care and i miss you all.

camfugs will always be united.

PS: TRY TO SAVE UP MONEY FOR THE CAMFUGS TSHIRT, AROUND 20 BUCKS!

&the beauty.

2:55 PM

heyyy girls, EXAMS ARE OVER! woohooo. great kan, i know. hahah. do enjoy your holidays and meet up soon kkk. will be missing you all (:

anyway issues side, can we go back to being our happy bonded selves? we should talk things out and have an outing together aite.

happyz holidayz!

ahaha. irritating, i know.

love you all.

&the beauty.